Into the Night

    I know, the title of this sounds odd, as I kick off a new blog segment on Wednesdays called “My Life.”  Since I write under my own name, the logical person might say “but you became Esther Mitchell when you were born!”  Yes, and no.

   Yes, that’s been my name since birth.  In my younger years, it was a name I had a love-hate relationship with.  Mostly, I loved to hate it. Not many 4-5 year olds like it when they hear “oh, that was my grandmother’s name!”  It seemed hopelessly old-fashioned to me, at the time, and I wondered why I couldn’t be a Christine or a Heather, or even a Jessica.  Something that could be shortened to a nickname, maybe, or that screamed “young and energetic” instead of “geriatric.” :)

    The truth wouldn’t come out for another few years.  My name wasn’t a deliberate choice on my parents’ part (whom, until then, I blamed for choosing to do such a terrible thing to me) - it was a random fluke of Fate… Or was it?

   Esther is an Old Testament name in the Christian Bible, a prominent figure in Jewish history, and so much more than either of those.  Esther is the Hebrew form of the Babylonian Ishtar.  It also equates to the Tower in the Tarot.  It’s a name surrounded by mystery, power, love and chaos.  Small wonder, then, that my life would find such a balance of these things.

   I believe it is because of my early unhappiness with my name (which I have since learned to be appropriate and meaningful) that I discovered the art of name divinations - that is, exploring the reasons behind why people were given the names they have.  I’ve also learned to appreciate the whimsical nature of the Cosmos, that names just seem to make sense for people, in most cases.

    I know there’s someone out there right now who might think I’m crazy for this.  The truth, however, is that despite its rather fortune-tellerish description, name divination is actually more mathematical than mysterious.  Like its cousin, Numerology, name divination relies on mathematical equations in order to reach logical equations that relate to personality traits established in ancient times.  It is an art has remained viable for thousands of years, and like many ancient sciences, I think it’s one that we, as a society, are too quick to pass off.

     Have you ever felt like you’ve let who you really are slip away?  I  have.  Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life, and the times I’ve been the happiest, and I’ve come to realize that the happiest times of my life were when I was immersed in learning (school, research, etc), creating, and helping other people.  I’ve spent a lot of my life volunteering for causes in which I believe.  In recent years, however, I’ve become swallowed by the day-to-day, and the corporate machine.  And I’ve been miserable in it.  Instead of feeding my soul, I’ve been draining it of everything that’s so important to me.

     Why do I bring this up?  Because I believe that everyone should take at least one moment in their lives and consider what really makes them happy.  Find that part of yourself that says “I am happiest when I___________.”  The blank can be anything.  And you’ll be surprised to realize that at some point in your life, you had exactly what made you feel happy and fulfilled.  But, if you’re like most people (myself included), you’ve let that slip away in the raging river of what’s expected from you.  Now, ask yourself one question:  When was the last time I expected something of my life?” 

   Notice I said “I”… Not “what everyone else thinks I should expect from me.”  Look deep inside yourself, and you’ll see that the number one expectation you have of yourself is to be happy.  And are you?  Are you genuinely happy with what you do every day?  Do you want to be more, to feel more, to experience life more fully?

   If your answer to any of those questions was “Yes!” then you’re already on the right track.  Sometimes, it’s difficult to break out of the constraints of what we know everyone else expects of us.  But consider honestly - do you think anyone expected the Wright brothers to build flying machines that would actually give us flight?  No.  They were expected to build bicycles.  The dreams others laugh at, scoff at, or disapprove of are sometimes the things that turn out to be the greatest steps we can take. 

    My point? Be willing to dream, and UNwilling to give up on those dreams. Be willing to stand up for what you believe in, even if the rest of the world thinks you’re crazy.  Be outrageous at least once in your life, do something unexpected every day, and find the part of yourself that children understand, and adults bury away - the part that still believes.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a parapsychologist, or because I’m just naturally curious, but I’ve spent a large portion of my life defining my beliefs on the human condition and the spiritual realm.  I’m fascinated by the way people think and even more by why they think that way.  Even after all these years, and tons of personal experience, I remain in absolute awe of what the human mind and spirit is capable of.  It is definitely my opinion that we, as a species, are capable of both great acts of courage and wonder, and terrible acts of depravity and horror.

To ask me what I believe in is a dangerous question.    I don’t claim to have popular opinions.  I’ll be the first to tell you I believe in an afterlife.  I’ve had irrefutable personal proof of its existence.  Does that mean I think everyone else should be required to believe it?  No.  Beliefs on the afterlife are a very personal thing, and everyone should base their beliefs on their own experiences.  Do I believe in Heaven and Hell?  To the horror of most religions (and the constant bemusement of other Pagans), I have to answer “yes and no.”  I do not believe in the existence of a separate plane known as Heaven or Hell.  That’s the no.  What I believe is that we each make our own heaven and hell as we live.  We choose whether we’re going to live in that heaven or hell, by our actions and choices.  And we can tear them down as easily as they are built.

Do I believe in reincarnation?  Yes, I do.  To qualify this, I don’t believe in coming back as another animal (cool as that may sound …) I believe each species that reincarnates does so within the bounds of its own species.  The shock would be too great, otherwise.  But I do believe that people are reborn with lessons to learn, rewards to collect, and wrongs to make right.  I believe in the existence of a Karmic balance, which determines a large part of who we are when we’re born.

Do I believe in ghosts?  *chuckles* Yes would be such a mild answer to this!  I’ve had so many paranormal encounters involving the spirit realm in my life, I’d have to be an idiot to not believe.  But I believe in something more than ghosts.   I believe in a realm that exists side-by-side with our own, a realm of the Unseen, populated by the spirits of nature, humans, animals, and by other spirits which are older and wiser than we are.  I also believe in the existence of darker entities, in that realm.  While I do not believe they often have as much influence as some claim, I do believe they are a reality, and an influence.

  This barely scrapes the top of the barrel of my beliefs.  There’s a lot more I’ll go into as time goes on…